Oh Brother
by LunaDea
Summary: A.k.a. the most unoriginal idea ever. Star Wars plus reality tv equals...who knows?


Disclaimer: Neither _Star Wars_ nor _Big Brother_ belongs to me. Got it? Good.

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"We're on in five, people!" yelled the director, racing frantically about the set. "Senator Organa, is your microphone on?" 

"Working on it," Bail replied, attempting to secure a cordless mic to his collar as the makeup lady applied another layer of foundation to his face. He turned the microphone on, and the resulting feedback elicited exclamations of annoyance from everyone else on the set.

"Sorry," he apologized, quickly adjusting the mic's settings to remedy the problem.

"Senator Organa?" said Mace Windu, who was also struggling with a troublesome microphone, futilely attempting to untangle the cord. "What are you doing here?"

"Moonlighting," Bail confessed. "There's not as much money in politics as you would think. And you?"

"Same thing," said Mace. "I'm the voice-over guy. You know, 'Previously, on _Oh Brother_,'" he explained.

"Lucky," Bail replied jealously. "You don't have to get ten layers of makeup caked on your face before every shoot."

"True," Mace admitted. "But it does make you look rather dashing."

"Places, people, places!" the director cried.

Bail grabbed his notes and hurried to his spot on the set, just to the left of a large television monitor that displayed the name of the show along with a rather creepy graphic of a large eye.

"And we're on in five, four..." The director cued him, and Bail began to speak.

"Good evening, and welcome to the premier of _Oh Brother_, the reality tv show you love to hate. Or hate to love. Or just plain hate. Well, anyway, you're watching it, aren't you? So it doesn't really matter. I'm your host, Senator Bail Organa, and no, this does not mean that I am quitting my day job," said Bail. "You all know the general concept of the show, right? Twelve strangers living together, whoever upsets the least number of people wins, and of course, more plot twists than...well, something that's really twisty, I guess. Anyway, let's just meet the house guests, shall we?" He turned to face the television monitor, where the image of a pretty young woman appeared.

"Hi, I'm Beru Lars," she introduced herself, "a moisture farmer from Tatooine. I signed up for this show because I live on the most boring planet in the entire freaking galaxy, and I would pretty much do anything to get off of that rock, even for a few days. Oh, and I would also like to say hi to my husband, Owen. I love you!"

Beru's face faded from the screen and another one took its place.

"Mesa called JarJar Binks," said JarJar. "Mesa from Gunga City, and mesa-" He paused as the camera caught his eye. "Whatsa thissun? Hello?" He leaned closer; there was a loud crash and the screen went blurry for a moment before displaying a close-up of JarJar's feet. "Sorry," he apologized as cursing was heard in the background. "Mesa sorry."

The picture changed again, and a teenage boy appeared onscreen.

"I'm Boba Fett," he s aid with a smile. "I'm here because, well, after my father died..." Boba paused as his voice began to waver and his eyes filled with tears. "No, stop. Leave me alone," he managed to say before breaking down crying.

The camera quickly cut away to a furry brown creature.

"Grroar wwrowl," the creature said. The subtitles that appeared across the bottom of the screen read, "My name is Chewbacca. I'm here to enlighten people about the Wookie lifestyle."

The next shot was of another woman, whose image was obscured by a veil that covered the lower half of her face.

"Hi, I'm Zam," she said. "Zam Wessell. I know I'm supposed to be dead, but apparently there's a major shortage of feminine influence in this universe, so here I am. Ha!"

"Obi-Wan Kenobi here," said Obi-Wan once the picture had transitioned once again. "I have a secret reality tv obsession and have been planning my strategy ever since I heard that they were holding auditions for the show. I'll actually be surprised if the other contestants even bother to show up."

"I'm Count Dooku," said the elderly-looking figure who appeared on the screen next. "Yes, that is my real name. It's not funny," he added as laughter was heard in the background. "Don't make me come over there..."

The laughter continued; Dooku stood up and exited the shot. A scream of pain ensued from somewhere off-screen, and the picture quickly changed to a green, pointy-eared creature.

"Master Yoda, I am," said Yoda. "Need the extra cash, I do. Know if I will win, I do not. Impossible to see, the future is. The Dark Side clouds everything."

Yoda's image was replaced by a hooded figure shrouded in darkness.

"So you see, my plan to convert the Republic into an evil Empire has almost come to fruition- What? You're recording this?" the figure said. "Hello, my name is Chancellor Palpatine. Don't worry; I will get right back to bringing peace and order to the galaxy as soon as I win this game."

"Hi, I'm Anakin Skywalker," Anakin introduced himself. "I'm here because, well, who wouldn't want to be on television? You're getting my good side, right?" he asked the cameraman, but the shot switched before a reply was heard.

"My name is Padmé Sk- Amidala," said Padmé, hesitating slightly. "I'm a Senator from Naboo, and I'm really just here for the excitement. Politics aren't as interesting as you would think."

The last image was a red-and-black tattooed man, glowering at the camera with his evil-looking yellow eyes.

"At last we will reveal ourselves to the Jedi," he growled. "At last we will have revenge." There was a long pause.

"What's your name?" someone prompted from off-camera.

"Darth Maul."

There was another silence.

"Is there anything else you would like to say?" the off-screen voice spoke again.

Darth Maul simply glared at the camera.

"Mr. Maul, sir?"

No response.

"Alrighty then."

The screen went black.

"Well, there you have it," Bail narrated, "the twelve contestants who will be vying for a grand prize of one million Republic credits over the course of the next three months. There is sure to be lots of deception, dishonesty, betrayal, and treachery, or at least let's hope so. Otherwise this is going to be the most boring television show ever. Please join us after this short commercial break as we watch the house guests settle into their new surroundings. Stay tuned to _Oh Brother_!"

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Um, yeah. Just a random inspiration I had while my sister was watching _Big Brother_; it's been done a zillion times before, I know. And I am not quitting "Star Wars: Revenge of the Myth", I just needed to do something different for a little while. Your input will have a large influence on whether I continue this story or not, so please review! Thanks! -Luna 


End file.
